Clawing my way through a quiet patch

Yes, she feels like she's helping me.

I am currently going through the quietest months for my working year. Being freelance means that my work is all over the place and some months are just not great for me. I was expecting it, I knew from the past two years that June and July wouldn't be great but it's managed to hit me like a tonne of bricks once again! When I've got little work coming in I can get in a very dark place due to boredom and a lack of purpose. I do my best to keep my days full of something, anything, but due to EDS (Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome), my fatigue has been high recently.

I am getting through this tiny bit of editing backlog left but my mind can't focus at all. Having little work coming in makes it really difficult to stay in a work mindset all of the time and it's hard to switch it on when I finally do get some work. I've heard the feeling is pretty common amongst freelancers and contracted workers. Today I have been in a zombie-like state; dazed and not present. I forgot to eat and then when I finally did, I went to put another bit of my lunch on the tray with the partly cooked section and forgot the tray had already been in the oven. I burnt all the fingertips on my right hand and dropped all the food off the tray and into the oven. Well, at least they'd cook! Don't worry, I picked it all up and ran my fingers under some cold water, but my brain was just wandering.

I'm not entirely sure of the reason for this away with the fairies feeling but it could be a combination of a creeping depressive episode and brain fog. The heat has been intense these past few days which means my brain fog (which causes concentration and memory problems) is coming into full force. Feeling so out of control and disassociated can be pretty rubbish and it makes me feel a bit useless at times. I want to be productive but forcing my body and brain to cooperate seems impossible! I have 3 more images to edit from my recent pride shoot and completing them seems daunting. I love the shoot, I'm excited about the results but right now I don't want to do anything. It's an odd sensation to have your head and your heart disconnected but hopefully, it won't last for too long.